God’s Hairball

I was having dinner with my friend Tara when she informed me that she had plans to go see the world’s largest hairball. Based on what comes out of my own sink periodically, I could only imagine the size of said hairball. Tara further informed me that the hairball resided at Mt. Angel Abbey and Seminary right here in Oregon. Now, I do have a cat. So, I have some experience with hairballs. They are not meant to be looked at. They are meant to be flushed down the toilet (after they have significantly cooled, dried and are no longer gag educing). Tara was helpful enough to send me a link to an article in the Portland Mercury written by John Dooley. I have snipped the most interesting paragraph for your enjoyment.

World's Largest Hairball John Dooley, Portland Mercury

“Presented to visitors as a miraculous example of God's mysterious ways, God's Hairball was unbosomed in an Oregon City meatpacking plant in the late 1950s, cut from the swollen belly of a 300-pound swine and donated to the museum soon after, where it has been on display ever since. Weighing in at two-and-one-half pounds, the calcified, gut-polished lump of hog bristle and plaque is considered the heftiest known hairball in the world. Pinched at each end like a turd, the disturbing, retch-inducing wad is sickening in its putrid grandeur, and is a must-see for the quirky tourist!”


I don’t know whether I was more horrified by the authors use of the word unbosomed in this context or the words “Pinched at each end like a turd...”